Tuesday 12 May 2015

SEX SITE and CHEM SEX PARTY by John Hoggett



Yesterday was election day.

The exit polls were shockingly bad:
A Conservative, privatise your life, sell our souls to the highest bidder
Neo-Fuedalism, Victory is predicted,
The first thing I did was check a sex app.

So I imagine what it would be like if those web based sex apps were run by anarcho-socialist collectives?

The side bar would be full of safe sex messages,

Orgies would be organised by collective members
Where the collectives members collected.
Articles on Pre Exposure Prophylaxis and drug company corruption
Would be sprinkled, intermingled, with adverts
For hand crafted anal stimulators
Made by kinky craft collectives in former colliery towns.

Accounts of income, outgoings, website traffic

And sex site members sexual satisfaction statistics would be published annually
Along side adds for fee paying sex shows where the money raised
Would go to fighting cuts to social security budgets.

Meets after anti-fracking protests would be fashionable

And Direct Action would develop a double meaning
Where anti-poverty campaigners chain themselves to DWP offices
While flirting into webcams and promising easy bedroom action
With the first handsome man who raises the potential bail costs.

Imagine a sex website where moderators would contact time wasters

And ask why they had not turned up?
And tactfully insisted that while sharing fantasies was grand,
Pulling out at the last minute (Fnar Fnar) was something to be discouraged.

UK Cut/Uncut demos in Tax Dodging Shops would be promoted by Gold Star Members

Where attractiveness, knob size and political effectiveness were rated
By fellow sex site members.

The socialist cruising site would have fundraising Cabaret and Sex Shows

(Half the profit to the site, half to a Palestinian Queer Collective)
With an Owen Jones look-a-like competition:
First prize – a years supply of lube,
Second prize – a signed copy of Owen Jones’ “The Establishment and how they get away with it,”
Third prize, a cardboard cut out of Owen Jones to take home and cuddle up with.

On Pride Days the socialist sex site would have

Plastered across its front page.

Analysis of LGBT issues would be blogged in the run up to and after general elections.

The socialist cruising site would have blogs on drug use, 

The pros and cons of chemsex
And moderators would all have basic training in drug and alcohol counselling.

Articles on surviving child sexual assault, adult sexual assault and sex date safety tips

Would appear next to customer reviews of various sex toys.

Discounts would be offered to benefit claimants, students

And those involved in industrial disputes.

But no, instead our fantasies and occasional hook up

Are used to generate private profit.

Yesterday was election day

The exit polls were shockingly bad
A Conservative, privatise your life, sell our souls to the highest bidder
Neo-Fuedalism, Victory:
The first thing I did was check a sex app,
Are we not worth more than this?



Lets have a Chem Sex Party,
Tea and scones and home made jam and blow jobs.
Oh, forget the blow jobs
Lets have a party!
With madeleines and cucumber sandwiches and date and walnut cake, apple muffins and scones,
 All homemade,
And tea, lashings of Earl Grey Tea.
Forget the blow jobs,
Lets have a tea party.

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