Tuesday 12 May 2015

LIMERICKS by Rupert Smith

There was an old person on Scruff
Whose manners were surly and rough,
His body was smelly
And he had a huge belly
But he got loads of cock up the chuff.

There was a young person of Diss
Seriously addicted to piss.
He replied to an ad
And by nightfall he had
Loads of it thanks to Craigslist.

A timid young man from Westminster
Dreaded becoming a spinster.
So he showed off his cunt
On his profile on Manhunt
At the cost of his job in Westminster.

There was a young man known as ‘Ed’
Whose GayRomeo profile read
‘No fems and no fats,
Over 40s or blacks’
That stupid young wanker called ‘Ed’.

A horny young fellow called Humphrey
Put up and advert on Gumtree
Stressing his size,
And got loads of replies
From men from all over the country.

A butch young builder said ‘Mate,
‘To my wife and my family I’m straight,
‘But I saw you on Squirt
‘So we started to flirt
‘And now I would like to fellate.’

There was a young man with a beard
Whose sexual habits were weird.
Thanks to Grindr and Scruff
He had gallons of stuff
Spaffed in the hairs of his beard.

A closeted queen from Kincaid
Found pretending you’re straight gets you laid.
He denied who he was
Simply because
He got oodles of fabulous trade.

A wife saw her husband on Gaydar
And quickly found out he’d betrayed her
With trick after trick
Anything with a dick
Within travelling distance on Gaydar.

There was a young person whose app
Led to several cases of clap.
When they said ‘are you lacking
Self-respect by barebacking?’
He simply returned to his app.

1 comment:

  1. Unaccountably glued to my knees
    I sucked off a man from Belize
    So imagine my shock
    When he pulled out a jock
    And revealed his venereal disease