RUIN ME by Pat Cash

‘Do you want to come ruin me?’ he says

Ruin you? I say. No, I don’t want to ruin you
I want to have sex with you 
One of us, or both of us, might be sore
But in a good way, like we’d come back for more
And really, if my intentions are spoken
It’s to bring you to orgasm I’m hoping
So in fact I want to elevate you 
I want us to share this conception
Of sex and all its projections 
No boy, I don’t want to ruin you 

He says it’s just a term of speech 
I don’t have to take it literally 
It’s just erotic; ‘ruin me’ sounds sexy
But a ruin is old, a ruin crumbles
A ruin is lost on a rain-soaked moor
A ruin is a relic of what once was
You ask me to take you from life
When I would come round 
Wanting to bring you closer to it
Ruining just sounds so unsexy 

By now he’s blocked me on Grindr
But ruining’s not just within his mind 
It’s commonplace in gay men I find:
Ruin me, destroy me, abuse me and use me
Then lose me, leave me here with bruises
Tattooed upon the lost art of my heart
All these fresh-faced boys 
Begging to be destroyed
In the arms of their lovers 
That the gift of sex
Makes them not more, but less

Ruining you doesn’t mean fast sex
It doesn’t mean hard sex 
It’s not rough sex, all the great parts of sex
To ruin you, to me, is a turn-off request
I don’t want to break you, I want to make you
I want you to think this is mind-blowing 
I have been opened to secrets unknown 
Here in this bed, with this sex
I’ve worked out why we walk the earth 
This is what living is 
Your touch and your taste and your scent
Inflaming my every sense
With magic whispering in your fingertips
And in this kiss, and in this kiss 
And definitely in that kiss…
And in this kiss we begin to exist
Golden and shining beings 
Angelic in momentless infinity 
Masters of our own divinity 
Anything and everything, but ruining