Visual SCRUFF "poem"
by Ernesto Sarezale
poetry, queer men and hookup apps
Wednesday, 15 July 2015
Grindr (Subject to availability) by Simeon Simms
I lure you in with a 'Hey'
But let's chat
I want you to see what I see
and assume I'm the type of free that would tie himself to a tree
You want me?
Traveling to where you lay in jungles to make concrete sing
But hows about I don't make it too easy
Hows about I make you want me
but not just the part that grows firm in dreams
and leeks substances from time to time
Hows about I take my time
'Because I don't wanna get chop up tonight'
Sorry but I say what comes to mind
Unlike the others before me who came
and vanished
With no opinion
No life
So it's different this time
You're hooked
You want me but why should I want you?
Can you feed me?
Take me to go see a movie
I want three bottles of wine and a spliff...
If I agreed to come without letting you know me, you wouldn't have even offered me a drink
Hows about we meet half way
Hotel?
Pay for my cab
Pay for my sex
Is that what this is?
I mean, I don't want to give it away for free
To become just like the others before me
What do I do?
Hows about I don't do this
I'll put myself
Back on a dusty shelf
Brackakakat!
Hows about that?
But let's chat
I want you to see what I see
and assume I'm the type of free that would tie himself to a tree
You want me?
Traveling to where you lay in jungles to make concrete sing
But hows about I don't make it too easy
Hows about I make you want me
but not just the part that grows firm in dreams
and leeks substances from time to time
Hows about I take my time
'Because I don't wanna get chop up tonight'
Sorry but I say what comes to mind
Unlike the others before me who came
and vanished
With no opinion
No life
So it's different this time
You're hooked
You want me but why should I want you?
Can you feed me?
Take me to go see a movie
I want three bottles of wine and a spliff...
If I agreed to come without letting you know me, you wouldn't have even offered me a drink
Hows about we meet half way
Hotel?
Pay for my cab
Pay for my sex
Is that what this is?
I mean, I don't want to give it away for free
To become just like the others before me
What do I do?
Hows about I don't do this
I'll put myself
Back on a dusty shelf
Brackakakat!
Hows about that?
Saturday, 11 July 2015
JUST LOOKING... by Bren Gosling
JUST LOOKING...
Tap
a tap tap the magic lamp
Type
the password
Climb
the ramp
Make
the genie appear.
Going
for a swim
in
the aquarium,
aqualunged
behind a glass pane,
I
kiss the light.
Click
A
plume of tiny hairs rising to the navel,
The
bicep circled by heavy tattoo
You
remind me of...
Gone
off -line, here we go
Another
Waterloo.
Click
Pierced
nipple marooned
on
the foreshore of a shaven chest
By
an unseen tidal surge, wounded
starfish can’t hook up now,
No face pic kills my
urge.
Click
Private
pictures open all too quick
An advent calendar impatient for Christmas,
extra large.
Arse
splayed ready, no femms
chemical
friendly.
Sorry,
don’t
do bears.
Click
Your
face drunken
Leery,
posed with anonymous
girlfriend
In
a Wetherspoons so dreary
Reminds
me of a cousin’s wedding
where
I ate too much cake in
Wolverhampton
last year...
TV’s
welcome,
No-
bloody- fear.
Click
House
trained romantic smoker
a
plus, only black men please
don’t
make no fuss.
It’s
my preference.
Click
Threesomes,
foursomes
groups
galore suck
me
dry
then
some more,
Don’t
block me I’m
no
whore just
a
horny guy compelled to score.
ClickWash and Go
Looks
unimportant, nor expecting
a match made in heaven, hey
don’t bother me if
you
are over 27.
Remove
Tracks, Click
Roses
are red,
Violets
are blue,
Somewhere
out there
So
are you
Just
looking.
Thursday, 9 July 2015
BODIES by Greg Owen
(read at Let’s Talk About Gay Sex and Drugs, Ku Klub, Soho, 9th July 2015)
London - the city where muscle, ripped, VGL, hung, bisexual and straight are the currency and start up traders or those with low stock value in the above are quick to fall foul of its sexual politics and cut throat heartlessness.
These labels are flung around regularly with a seemingly blissful lack of awareness on the users' part of the base level, negative impact such apparently acceptable sexual attacks – no, sorry - ‘textual attacks’ cause and the underlying erosion of self-worth that they actively generate. And most cause the recipient to revisit any previous, now dormant past abuse. It is without question, certainly compounding any existing hangups those receiving said attacks have, we’re talking about other gay men here!
Gay men who, let's face it, might fix up in the latter part of their teens and early 20’s with maybe… a set of veneers - yes my front 6 teeth are made out of the same stuff as your Nan’s best china - that’s porcelain you’re looking at now.
And those same gay men may have done a course of steroids or 8. Yes, that’s ‘all gone on’ right here over the last 10 years. You wouldn’t think it to look at me now though; I’ve been slacking lately and not been to the gym in over a year. And before one of you thinks it or says it - yes “I woke up like this” or as is usually the case with me “I never went to bed” – “like this”. There are a few of you in here tonight that know me – that happens!
Now that I’ve outed myself - apart from the 1 Botox treatment about 3 years ago - that is all of my fixing up - fessed up. Apart from - I dye my eyebrows and eyelashes in the summer because as a blond Irish guy – after a few days in the sun they disappear and rocking the “Chemo Chic” look is not a good look. Yes! I went there! But that really is it now.
Back to my point. Those comments and thinly guised ‘textual attacks’ within our own community which - is fundamentally a community consisting of grown up and fixed up, bullied school boys, that are now living the grown up and seemingly acceptable 2015 version of bullying - totally acceptable online but ask yourself this - as in most online versus real life comparisons… would you really behave like that face to face? If you were in a bar or club or cafe actually chatting with another guy?
Here’s how those things would sound if they were they real life conversations:
Muscle only - You're fat and out of shape and you really need to go to the gym
Ripped only - I mean have you ever seen the inside of a gym? Carbs are not your friend
Very Good Looking only – I’m totally up my own arse and only ‘up-date’
Into hung only – I’m a ‘bottomless bottom’ That is not an admission! Or a confession by the way! It’s in keeping with the rest of the examples! Like I said there are some of you in here that know me – not that well! Anyway - and will most likely be thinking I should have held out a bit longer for a bigger guy than you.
Into bisexual or straight only - This really is how out there gay men can be sometimes – “I only sleep with or date straight guys”…if you are dating or screwing him is he actually ‘straight’? Come on! And can someone please gift that gay a fucking dictionary!
These are observations not judgments. To judge would contradict the point I’m trying to make.
I know I’ve slightly exaggerated those statements for the purpose of the exercise but is it really that far from the truth? If you even vocalized anything of those things at 20 percent of that abruptness then I’m pretty sure you would qualify as a sociopath? No? So why do we do it?
Why also is there the need for the ‘not into’ information that guys like to push on a profile? This is pretty much exclusively reserved for the fems, the twinks, the chubs, the Asians, the Blacks, the gingers and the poz guys. Leading me on to HIV.
Surely there is some sort of cause and effect here? Most of my positive mates picked up the virus while on some sort of life spin out - not all of them but a substantial proportion. I can’t help feeling that the general endemic use of such broadcasts - although perhaps unintentional is unfathomably unacceptable and regularly erodes say 50% of this community’s self worth be that consciously or subconsciously. And it has to manifest itself somewhere at some point down the line. And it does! Often with a vengeance and at a hefty cost.
Maybe its time we all took as much responsibility for our words online as we would when face to face with another person of the same sexual preference. Who has already faced enough hatred for being ‘different’ in his life up to now from those that are different. Let’s not make him face it all over again from those that are the same. Instead broadcast and post what you celebrate and what you are ‘into’ not ‘not into’. It will play its small part in changing the future we can hopefully enjoy in a supposedly equal Western World.
If straight people have shown their support for us being given the right to live as equals, can’t we at least match that as a gift to each other and allow ourselves and all the other gays to be equals - consciously, actively, and freely.
You can decide for yourself with your own actions the next time you’re online.
I've just talked about gay sex and drugs – BODIES!!!
See you all on Grindr boys!
London - the city where muscle, ripped, VGL, hung, bisexual and straight are the currency and start up traders or those with low stock value in the above are quick to fall foul of its sexual politics and cut throat heartlessness.
These labels are flung around regularly with a seemingly blissful lack of awareness on the users' part of the base level, negative impact such apparently acceptable sexual attacks – no, sorry - ‘textual attacks’ cause and the underlying erosion of self-worth that they actively generate. And most cause the recipient to revisit any previous, now dormant past abuse. It is without question, certainly compounding any existing hangups those receiving said attacks have, we’re talking about other gay men here!
Gay men who, let's face it, might fix up in the latter part of their teens and early 20’s with maybe… a set of veneers - yes my front 6 teeth are made out of the same stuff as your Nan’s best china - that’s porcelain you’re looking at now.
And those same gay men may have done a course of steroids or 8. Yes, that’s ‘all gone on’ right here over the last 10 years. You wouldn’t think it to look at me now though; I’ve been slacking lately and not been to the gym in over a year. And before one of you thinks it or says it - yes “I woke up like this” or as is usually the case with me “I never went to bed” – “like this”. There are a few of you in here tonight that know me – that happens!
Now that I’ve outed myself - apart from the 1 Botox treatment about 3 years ago - that is all of my fixing up - fessed up. Apart from - I dye my eyebrows and eyelashes in the summer because as a blond Irish guy – after a few days in the sun they disappear and rocking the “Chemo Chic” look is not a good look. Yes! I went there! But that really is it now.
Back to my point. Those comments and thinly guised ‘textual attacks’ within our own community which - is fundamentally a community consisting of grown up and fixed up, bullied school boys, that are now living the grown up and seemingly acceptable 2015 version of bullying - totally acceptable online but ask yourself this - as in most online versus real life comparisons… would you really behave like that face to face? If you were in a bar or club or cafe actually chatting with another guy?
Here’s how those things would sound if they were they real life conversations:
Muscle only - You're fat and out of shape and you really need to go to the gym
Ripped only - I mean have you ever seen the inside of a gym? Carbs are not your friend
Very Good Looking only – I’m totally up my own arse and only ‘up-date’
Into hung only – I’m a ‘bottomless bottom’ That is not an admission! Or a confession by the way! It’s in keeping with the rest of the examples! Like I said there are some of you in here that know me – not that well! Anyway - and will most likely be thinking I should have held out a bit longer for a bigger guy than you.
Into bisexual or straight only - This really is how out there gay men can be sometimes – “I only sleep with or date straight guys”…if you are dating or screwing him is he actually ‘straight’? Come on! And can someone please gift that gay a fucking dictionary!
These are observations not judgments. To judge would contradict the point I’m trying to make.
I know I’ve slightly exaggerated those statements for the purpose of the exercise but is it really that far from the truth? If you even vocalized anything of those things at 20 percent of that abruptness then I’m pretty sure you would qualify as a sociopath? No? So why do we do it?
Why also is there the need for the ‘not into’ information that guys like to push on a profile? This is pretty much exclusively reserved for the fems, the twinks, the chubs, the Asians, the Blacks, the gingers and the poz guys. Leading me on to HIV.
Surely there is some sort of cause and effect here? Most of my positive mates picked up the virus while on some sort of life spin out - not all of them but a substantial proportion. I can’t help feeling that the general endemic use of such broadcasts - although perhaps unintentional is unfathomably unacceptable and regularly erodes say 50% of this community’s self worth be that consciously or subconsciously. And it has to manifest itself somewhere at some point down the line. And it does! Often with a vengeance and at a hefty cost.
Maybe its time we all took as much responsibility for our words online as we would when face to face with another person of the same sexual preference. Who has already faced enough hatred for being ‘different’ in his life up to now from those that are different. Let’s not make him face it all over again from those that are the same. Instead broadcast and post what you celebrate and what you are ‘into’ not ‘not into’. It will play its small part in changing the future we can hopefully enjoy in a supposedly equal Western World.
If straight people have shown their support for us being given the right to live as equals, can’t we at least match that as a gift to each other and allow ourselves and all the other gays to be equals - consciously, actively, and freely.
You can decide for yourself with your own actions the next time you’re online.
I've just talked about gay sex and drugs – BODIES!!!
See you all on Grindr boys!
TOM DICK AND HARRY by Jacob V Joyce
Tom’s
headlights blind me
too
bright to see through his window
so
I sidle up beside and look inside
he
smiles wide as I inwardly sigh because this guy
looks
totally different to his profile picture.
His
hair once tucked in truckers cap,
Rapper
thug trope of black aesthetic,
a
mimetic that triggered desire for bigger men than me
is
gone now instead thin plats dangles loosely at his back
In
a way school girls might braid just to keep it neat and tidy,
I
slide in on the passengers seat beside him
greeting
his tired eyes that say don’t run away
its
Tuesday your listening to vibes fm at a quarter past 10 pm.
His
first question off set my expectations
The
soft Jamaican pronunciation
Was
so light and airy for such a wide and heavy man
With
heavy hands clamped on the steering wheel
“How
are you?” a delicate query like leaves testing puddles in the street
Held
taught on thin films of awkward tension,
I
don’t mention my disappointment but hesitate wondering how to delineate my
current state,
and
then explain that I am nervous.
“Why you nervous for?” he lilted, tilting his
gaze to the road partially phased out of view by the snakes of rain, breaking
in chains on the window pain of his Ford Mondeo.
Its
not far he assured me,
and
the car engine roared key in lock,
and
vibes fm assured me it was gonna be a serious night tonight.
Dicks
shiny head popped out of the covers
I
buzzed down the corridor like a bumblebee drunkenly
bumbling
down a corridor to the sound of the buzzer
before
The pre-recorded voice robotically instructed me
to
“close the door behind you”
It
echoed the tune of clinical musk
vacuum
packed new build flats,
sterile
shopping isles of fully furnished identical
pre-packaged
high renticles.
The
last door is ajar and candlelight
creates
a path as I enter and shut the door behind me.
The
glistening silk pillows of dicks bed
are
punctuated by his bald and grinning head
mischievous
and excited his eager glee
ignites
the presence and ominous glare
of
a giant teddy bear sat dominating the room
on
its wicker IKEA throne chair,
a
voice moans inside me,
does
dick have special needs,
but
then recedes many grown men must still have teddies
I
still have a that raggedy rabit but I usually grab it and
hide
him in the closet if I have a casual guest,
Get
undressed he tells me,
Im
not arrested by his request
infact
it brings back memories of truth or dare,
I
felt dared to share a secret part of myself
infront
of this 35 year old man who has no books or photos of friends or posters on his
walls instead decorating with candle lit shadows of me taking off my clothes
and getting into his bed.
How
can you live in this mess
harry
stressed as I knelt
pushing
books and and belts off of my bed
Harry
carried himself over the clothes thrown over my floor,
And
curled his smile wryly eyeimg me as I felt his stomach grow tense
I
was so tired my eyes hurt but as soon as his shirt lifted
the
sands of sleep sifted to reveal a nugget of burning zeal
yerning
to seal the gap between our lips and
for
him to grip me by the hips and ask me if I was his boy.
Oi
take your shoes off and tiptoe up to my room, he’d warned wearily as we snuck
up his stairs silly with desire and fear.
Their
would be no explaining to harrys parents what I was doing at 2am on a
Tuesday sneaking in to play the same game of whispered refrain that now took
place at my mothers house,
we
covered each others mouths dousing the spasming flames
of
painfull ecstasy with warm wet cocobutter sweat collecting in pools that
shuddered in utterances of
stop,
stop your gonna make me buss,
trust
I get bare anti when I buss
don’t
rush.
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