Tom’s
headlights blind me
too
bright to see through his window
so
I sidle up beside and look inside
he
smiles wide as I inwardly sigh because this guy
looks
totally different to his profile picture.
His
hair once tucked in truckers cap,
Rapper
thug trope of black aesthetic,
a
mimetic that triggered desire for bigger men than me
is
gone now instead thin plats dangles loosely at his back
In
a way school girls might braid just to keep it neat and tidy,
I
slide in on the passengers seat beside him
greeting
his tired eyes that say don’t run away
its
Tuesday your listening to vibes fm at a quarter past 10 pm.
His
first question off set my expectations
The
soft Jamaican pronunciation
Was
so light and airy for such a wide and heavy man
With
heavy hands clamped on the steering wheel
“How
are you?” a delicate query like leaves testing puddles in the street
Held
taught on thin films of awkward tension,
I
don’t mention my disappointment but hesitate wondering how to delineate my
current state,
and
then explain that I am nervous.
“Why you nervous for?” he lilted, tilting his
gaze to the road partially phased out of view by the snakes of rain, breaking
in chains on the window pain of his Ford Mondeo.
Its
not far he assured me,
and
the car engine roared key in lock,
and
vibes fm assured me it was gonna be a serious night tonight.
Dicks
shiny head popped out of the covers
I
buzzed down the corridor like a bumblebee drunkenly
bumbling
down a corridor to the sound of the buzzer
before
The pre-recorded voice robotically instructed me
to
“close the door behind you”
It
echoed the tune of clinical musk
vacuum
packed new build flats,
sterile
shopping isles of fully furnished identical
pre-packaged
high renticles.
The
last door is ajar and candlelight
creates
a path as I enter and shut the door behind me.
The
glistening silk pillows of dicks bed
are
punctuated by his bald and grinning head
mischievous
and excited his eager glee
ignites
the presence and ominous glare
of
a giant teddy bear sat dominating the room
on
its wicker IKEA throne chair,
a
voice moans inside me,
does
dick have special needs,
but
then recedes many grown men must still have teddies
I
still have a that raggedy rabit but I usually grab it and
hide
him in the closet if I have a casual guest,
Get
undressed he tells me,
Im
not arrested by his request
infact
it brings back memories of truth or dare,
I
felt dared to share a secret part of myself
infront
of this 35 year old man who has no books or photos of friends or posters on his
walls instead decorating with candle lit shadows of me taking off my clothes
and getting into his bed.
How
can you live in this mess
harry
stressed as I knelt
pushing
books and and belts off of my bed
Harry
carried himself over the clothes thrown over my floor,
And
curled his smile wryly eyeimg me as I felt his stomach grow tense
I
was so tired my eyes hurt but as soon as his shirt lifted
the
sands of sleep sifted to reveal a nugget of burning zeal
yerning
to seal the gap between our lips and
for
him to grip me by the hips and ask me if I was his boy.
Oi
take your shoes off and tiptoe up to my room, he’d warned wearily as we snuck
up his stairs silly with desire and fear.
Their
would be no explaining to harrys parents what I was doing at 2am on a
Tuesday sneaking in to play the same game of whispered refrain that now took
place at my mothers house,
we
covered each others mouths dousing the spasming flames
of
painfull ecstasy with warm wet cocobutter sweat collecting in pools that
shuddered in utterances of
stop,
stop your gonna make me buss,
trust
I get bare anti when I buss
don’t
rush.
No comments:
Post a Comment