London - the city where muscle, ripped, VGL, hung, bisexual and straight are the currency and start up traders or those with low stock value in the above are quick to fall foul of its sexual politics and cut throat heartlessness.
These labels are flung around regularly with a seemingly blissful lack of awareness on the users' part of the base level, negative impact such apparently acceptable sexual attacks – no, sorry - ‘textual attacks’ cause and the underlying erosion of self-worth that they actively generate. And most cause the recipient to revisit any previous, now dormant past abuse. It is without question, certainly compounding any existing hangups those receiving said attacks have, we’re talking about other gay men here!
Gay men who, let's face it, might fix up in the latter part of their teens and early 20’s with maybe… a set of veneers - yes my front 6 teeth are made out of the same stuff as your Nan’s best china - that’s porcelain you’re looking at now.
And those same gay men may have done a course of steroids or 8. Yes, that’s ‘all gone on’ right here over the last 10 years. You wouldn’t think it to look at me now though; I’ve been slacking lately and not been to the gym in over a year. And before one of you thinks it or says it - yes “I woke up like this” or as is usually the case with me “I never went to bed” – “like this”. There are a few of you in here tonight that know me – that happens!
Now that I’ve outed myself - apart from the 1 Botox treatment about 3 years ago - that is all of my fixing up - fessed up. Apart from - I dye my eyebrows and eyelashes in the summer because as a blond Irish guy – after a few days in the sun they disappear and rocking the “Chemo Chic” look is not a good look. Yes! I went there! But that really is it now.
Back to my point. Those comments and thinly guised ‘textual attacks’ within our own community which - is fundamentally a community consisting of grown up and fixed up, bullied school boys, that are now living the grown up and seemingly acceptable 2015 version of bullying - totally acceptable online but ask yourself this - as in most online versus real life comparisons… would you really behave like that face to face? If you were in a bar or club or cafe actually chatting with another guy?
Here’s how those things would sound if they were they real life conversations:
Muscle only - You're fat and out of shape and you really need to go to the gym
Ripped only - I mean have you ever seen the inside of a gym? Carbs are not your friend
Very Good Looking only – I’m totally up my own arse and only ‘up-date’
Into hung only – I’m a ‘bottomless bottom’ That is not an admission! Or a confession by the way! It’s in keeping with the rest of the examples! Like I said there are some of you in here that know me – not that well! Anyway - and will most likely be thinking I should have held out a bit longer for a bigger guy than you.
Into bisexual or straight only - This really is how out there gay men can be sometimes – “I only sleep with or date straight guys”…if you are dating or screwing him is he actually ‘straight’? Come on! And can someone please gift that gay a fucking dictionary!
These are observations not judgments. To judge would contradict the point I’m trying to make.
I know I’ve slightly exaggerated those statements for the purpose of the exercise but is it really that far from the truth? If you even vocalized anything of those things at 20 percent of that abruptness then I’m pretty sure you would qualify as a sociopath? No? So why do we do it?
Why also is there the need for the ‘not into’ information that guys like to push on a profile? This is pretty much exclusively reserved for the fems, the twinks, the chubs, the Asians, the Blacks, the gingers and the poz guys. Leading me on to HIV.
Surely there is some sort of cause and effect here? Most of my positive mates picked up the virus while on some sort of life spin out - not all of them but a substantial proportion. I can’t help feeling that the general endemic use of such broadcasts - although perhaps unintentional is unfathomably unacceptable and regularly erodes say 50% of this community’s self worth be that consciously or subconsciously. And it has to manifest itself somewhere at some point down the line. And it does! Often with a vengeance and at a hefty cost.
Maybe its time we all took as much responsibility for our words online as we would when face to face with another person of the same sexual preference. Who has already faced enough hatred for being ‘different’ in his life up to now from those that are different. Let’s not make him face it all over again from those that are the same. Instead broadcast and post what you celebrate and what you are ‘into’ not ‘not into’. It will play its small part in changing the future we can hopefully enjoy in a supposedly equal Western World.
If straight people have shown their support for us being given the right to live as equals, can’t we at least match that as a gift to each other and allow ourselves and all the other gays to be equals - consciously, actively, and freely.
You can decide for yourself with your own actions the next time you’re online.
I've just talked about gay sex and drugs – BODIES!!!
See you all on Grindr boys!