Equal Opportunity Shagger by Menno Kuijper

Lyrics by Menno Kuijper © 2006 + 2011 

for a song written by Menno Kuijper & Richard Link © 2006

Listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCGVmw5rhIs

Equal Opportunity Shagger

(Announcement over drum roll)

And now ladies and gentlemen, a song about moral awareness and social sensitivity!

There are people who go through profiles

The way they go through shopping catalogues

They check your details, compare your features

And make sure that you tick their every box

And if you don’t, well, tough, they won’t even

Bother looking at you twice

To me it seems so cold and superficial

But I guess that they don’t always realise

That in the end, we’re all human beings

Who need love instead of prejudice

I will never be so narrow-minded!

Just think of all the fun that you would miss…

I’m an Equal Opportunity Shagger

I like guys of any shape and size and form

And I love them all with gay abandon

Every hole’s a goal, as long as it is warm!

            (Hot shit!)

I don’t care about trivialities

Such as the hair on your back

If you look a bit like Shrek

The penis that you’ve got

Be it circumcised or not

I’m an Equal Opportunity Shagger

All I care abouououout

(Care about)

Is to share it ououououout

(Share it out)

So what d’you say, your place or mine?

Or right here would be just be just fine!

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Love!

            Yes!

Liebe!

            Ja!

Amore!

            Si!

Amour!

            Oui, oui!

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

Ahahahahaha

            For all!

Für alle!

Per tutti!

Pour tout!

The person next to you may not be up your street

But they could be the finest shag you’ll ever meet!

So come with me and sow the seeds of love

(Spoken, by small / weedy guy)

God knows I’ve got buckets of the stuff

(Others:

What, the little one?

Who’d have thought!

Er… You free after this?)

‘Cause we’re all Equal Opportunity Shaggers

Whether you’re young

Or old!

And use a zimmerframe

Oh, kinky!

We’re not ones for age discrimination

            No!

As long as there’s a pulse then we are game

But please be legal!

And we don’t care about technicalities

If you’re hung like a mouse

Need a pill to get aroused

If you have an extra ball

We don’t care, we’ll do you all!

‘Cause we’re Equal Opportunity Shaggers

All we care abouououout

(Care about)

Is to share it ououououout

(Share it out)

Till it’s all there is

Let’s leave this world

In a state of post-orgasmic bliss!

(Come on give me a kiss

Think of all the fun you’d miss

State of post-orgasmic bliss!)

END