GRINDR DIALOGUES by Dino Mahoney

(with thanks to grindrstories.tumblr)

  

1.

I’m in town for the night, all alone in my hotel room.

Is there any ice?

Room service. Yeah.

Can you stick your dick in a bucket of ice and then fuck me so that it’s like being fucked by a vampire?

Sure. Come on over. Kings Cross. Comfort Inn.

2.

I use this traditional three step model as a relationship template

i) We have sex

ii) We meet in person, see if we like each other

iii) We get married

Isn’t it physically impossible to have 1 before 2?

Not the way I do it.

3.

Lol, people use it to find sex. I’m just looking for a friend.

Cool. But I feel the age gap would be too significant for friendship.

You’re two years older than me.

4.

Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey

I’m a serial killer

Hey

5.

Got a face pic? Or r you just a talking torso?

6.

I’m so high

Can you move?

Why? Am I in the way?

7.

Jus chilling. U?

Scoffing chocolate, drinking gin, watching Les Miz. Crying

8.

Gr8 hair btw

Thanks! Hey, what you into?

Cuddling, love it!  Hopeless romantic.

Cuddling? How is cuddling going to get these BEES OUT OF MY FRIGGIN TEETH!!!!!!!!?!?!

9.

You a straight top?

Top. Yes.

9 ¾

They say staying invisible increases your chance of being desired. Sad. But you’re different! Because while everyone else is a degraded version of the selves they’ve created on here, your profile says that you are aware of exactly what’s going on like you go into a 60s themed bar and you know the 60s themed bar is better than the ones they had in the 1960s, see what I’m saying? (2.22 AM)

Hello?  (2.26 AM)

10.

Nice name.

Thanks, my parents gave it to me on my birthday.